


Before Long for the Ruined Seed

by English Translations (MistressArachnia)



Series: English Translations [3]
Category: Togainu no Chi
Genre: Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Character Death, Horror, Insanity, M/M, Masochism, Mental Breakdown, NOT my Original Fic, Necrophilia, Rape/Non-con Elements, S&M, Sadism, Sexual Slavery, Translation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 07:45:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18139379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressArachnia/pseuds/English%20Translations
Summary: Shiki never realized how much Nano really meant to him until it was too late and the man lay dead in his arms. Set during the slut!Akira ending. An English translation of a short story from Equinox's 2005 Ruined Seed Anthology (a Nano-uke anthology).





	Before Long for the Ruined Seed

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Before Long for the Ruined Seed](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/503026) by Equinox. 



> This story was the third of three Japanese short stories originally published in the Ruined Seed Anthology by Equinox in 2005. Naturally, as soon as I learned that a Nano-uke anthology existed, I searched all of Japan to find it and purchase a copy. Given how old and rare TnC doujinshi is, especially Nano doujinshi, it wasn't an easy task. Jazmin Guerrero was the main translator on this project, with myself as a secondary translator, editor, and proofreader.
> 
> This was a really interesting twist on the slut!Akira ending. And Shiki's insane obsession... mmm... >:)

“The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God’s name is Abraxas.”

\- Demian Hermann Hesse

* * *

**Shiki’s POV**

Loud laughter rang out across the cloudy skies. At first it was just a muffled voice. But once it became clear, it was so high pitched it could have cut through silk. It was a voice ripe with madness and it cut through the gush of the heavy rain like a red hot arrow – it was Nano’s voice.

“You really are a fool. There’s no way you’ll ever beat me. You keep challenging me and each time you lose, only to come back and challenge me again. He who knows little often repeats his mistakes.”

Shiki’s eyes were wide open. All of a sudden Nano transformed. Spines froze in place, not just Shiki’s, but everyone who was standing nearby. This was the madness of a murderer. Shiki didn’t understand Nano’s outburst. It was simply his voice that pierced Shiki’s ear.

Loud. Annoying. Noisy! Nano’s soft and lilting voice reached Shiki’s ear like the dull droning buzz of a house fly. The discomfort was like having his brain addressed directly. Shiki felt an indescribable sense of unease in his gut.

“You’re weaker than you know but if you really want to feel true strength, even if you will never have it, I’ll make sure you have a taste of torture to last a thousand years.”

The fine hair covering Nano’s cheeks shook. Nano stopped talking. He simply stared at Shiki with daggers. His pupils were a darkened purple. Those observing Nano watched him with icy glares. Nano laughed. It was laughter born from disgust. Nano’s white lips looked as though they were smeared with blood as they twitched upwards, the corners of his mouth stretching more than they ever had. White teeth and a red tongue peeked through. It looked almost like a demon dancing with its smooth movements.

“You can’t even imagine my strength. That’s why I’m so strong. Why I’m able to be so strong.”

“Shut up!”

Shiki shouted, unable to stand it anymore. There was a pounding in his head. It was an alarm going off. He couldn’t stand listening to this man’s voice. He couldn’t stand this man’s provocations. That voice spelled the end for Shiki. Shiki firmly shut his eyes as though his consciousness was shutting down.

It was the former site of Toshima’s round park. There was a single old tree, it’s branches reaching out like a dead man’s arm, spread outwards and scrabbling at the heavens. The scenery surrounding it was gray. The image of death. And then there was Shiki. In the middle was Nano. He squared himself off against Shiki.

Akira was stuck between the executioners and Arbitro, watching carefully. Nobody moved. There was no way any of them could move. Nano was the orchestrator of this setting. They all held their breath and Nano carefully moved with an easy beat.

The curtain of this tragedy suddenly lifted. Emma and Gwen’s dead bodies fell to the floor. The mysteries of Nicole Premiere and Rein were suddenly becoming clear. The players had all been assembled. All that was left was to purge. They all needed to be eliminated, actors and spectators alike. This farce created by the demonic virus Nicole, needed to end. But who should be the one to do it? No one there was sure. Save, of course, for Nano – judge, jury, and executioner.

Nano continued, a warped smile on his face.

“If you were familiar with this kind of pain, what would you all do, I wonder?”

Shiki’s eyes remained closed. His eyelids were tightly sealed shut. All that resounded in his mind was Nano’s voice. Go away. That’s all Shiki could think. Go away, demon. It was like the Temptation of Christ. The whisperings of stones being turned to bread and blood being turned to Rein…  Go away. Go away. Go away, Demon!

“Are you able to live a life of conviction, even now?”

Nano’s voice resounded sweetly in his ears. A life of conviction, those words alone cut clean into Shiki’s impure consciousness like a knife. A life of conviction. That plucked the heartstrings of Shiki’s existence. And then, Nano’s voice became softer. Shiki’s eyes opened. His heart reverberated. Shiki turned his head at the sound of Nano’s voice.

“What do you mean?”

“You can’t stop hating the blood flowing in this body. This is the blood that gives humans the power of deception, this blood is a symbol of your weakness….do you understand?”

Like a mother urging a baby to drink milk, Nano’s voice was sweet. Nano laughed but it was full of tenderness. Shiki could no longer break his gaze from the man.

“Rein…”

Nano took a deep breath. He rolled the sleeve of his left arm up, his exposed skin growing slightly damp from the open air. Surrounding Nano’s body like vapor was a white aura that he emanated. He brought his arm up to his smiling mouth.

“This blood is usually diluted tenfold. If a normal person were to ingest an undiluted, pure substance of it, they would die from madness. And it will be a tremendous trial for you.”

White teeth bit into Nano’s arm. Red blood began to drip from his arm.

“Will you be able to overcome it?”

The seducer stared at Shiki. His laughter stopped. There was a cruel look in his eyes when he asked Shiki, can you overcome it?

“What a stupid idea. No one here wants your blood, bastard.”

Shiki replied, denying this seducer. Man shall not live on bread alone. Just as humans shall not take their power from Rein alone.

“I’m asking if you can prevail.”

Nano pressed Shiki for an answer.

“True power is what you really want. Surpassing me is your wish. Can you accept your biggest weaknesses and overcome them? Can you do it, just as I have?”

Shiki wasn’t Christ. His bluff was falling and suddenly the demon’s temptations were beginning to stir his heart. Shiki was starving. He wanted power. He needed power, he needed the power to surpass Nano. His eyes were red when he finally opened them and the darkness began to cloud him.

“Hmmm what to do…”

Shiki shook off the dew that had collected on his sword. Drops of water flew around in a fine spray. He thrust the sword into the ground.

“I got rid of everything I had to come here just to gain power.”

He spoke in a hellish voice full of resentment that started in his belly. His limbs were full to the brim with power.   

“All my blood relatives, I killed them with these hands.”

His red eyes glittered in the black darkness.

“And today I will continue to prevail!”

Shiki kicked the ground. Water flew into the air. Shiki latched his teeth onto Nano’s white neck. A red line of blood trickled down.

“…You really are a fool.”

Nano gave a small smile. No one heard him to challenge his words. The stream of blood grew thicker and left a stain on the ground below. Fresh blood stained his clothes as it trickled down from his neck. The red was a signal to the spectators surrounding them and finally they turned. They all began to tremble simultaneously. Akira took in a large breath. The executioner’s eyebrows furrowed together. Arbitro, dumbfounded, muttered quietly.

“He isn’t sane…”

In reality, Shiki was possessed by madness. He laid Nano’s body to the side and buried his face into Nano’s neck. He nibbled at the nape of his neck and slurped up the blood. Akira and the others could see Shiki’s mouth dyed a deep red. They were behaving like mother and child clinging to one another.

Upon looking at Nano’s face, Akira and the others were startled. He should have been in agony, gasping for breath, while his neck was being torn into and blood being taken from him. Instead, though, he was smiling sweetly. It was the smile of someone in the throes of sensuality. That smiling turned into a long sigh until words were finally put together.

“Suffer, by this blood. Be ruined by it.”

Akira averted his gaze. The executioners held their breath. Arbitro muttered with dread.

“Idiot. It’s sheer suicide, taking in Premier’s blood straight like that…”

Shiki was in the middle of it all. He was completely lost in it all. It was on this fourteenth day, this fourteenth night that absolute hunger took hold of Shiki’s empty stomach. The bread (sustenance) given by this demon was a delicacy beyond precedence. Shiki simply craved this blood. His parched throat, his stomach, all of it was satisfied. It was a bit like being intoxicated. Holding Nano in his arms, Shiki’s knees crumbled to the ground.

“Shiki-!”

Akira ran over to Shiki’s side. The executioners restrained him. Arbitro looked over at Shiki with his eyes cast down in fear. Shiki crouched down to the floor with Nano’s body still in his arms. His back convulsed in shock. The shocks came intermittently and raised Shiki’s body.

“Agh! Ahh……!”  

Shiki choked. It was a reaction from his body’s refusal of Nicole. He was choking. Choking. Choking. He scratched desperately at his throat. Stomach spasms hit him and he began vomiting up blood. No matter how many times he threw up, even after bile stopped coming up, the gagging and suffering only grew.

The pain was sublime. He was tormented by sharp pain throughout his entire body. The figure of despair, Shiki was crouched and clawing at the earth. Bits of dirt jammed under his nails. Soon the nails began to peel from all the dirt and his fingers oozed blood.

“Aaaaaa…..aaggghhhhh..!!”

Shiki was rolling on the ground. His black hair, his leather coat, it was all dirty, all covered in mud. He struck the earth with his fists.

“Nggghhaaaaaa!!!”

A resounding scream erupted from Shiki’s spot and traveled through the rainy park. His arms were stretched out towards the heavens, just like an old tree scratching at the sky.

“Gahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Akira could no longer watch. He didn’t want to think about any of it. What was going on was so strange he was loathe to even judge it. The executioners arms shook and they all fell to the ground to prostrate themselves. Just like Shiki, they felt an overwhelming urge in their chests to throw up and began vomiting bile. They were terribly sick with no explanation. Their heads were pounding with pain. They didn’t want to look at anything. They wanted to get away from the spectators. Then, Akira suddenly lost consciousness while still in his crouched position. Nobody noticed when finally Shiki’s moaning began to draw to an end.

“Ahh…ahhhh…..”

His shrieks became intermittent. A billowing surge of contentment finally washed over Shiki as the pain subsided. It was a sense of accomplishment, of euphoria. The pain in his limbs began to fade and his strength was returning. He slowly raised his head off the ground and looked at his surroundings. Near him was Nano, lying on his side. Those watching all had terrified looks on their faces.

……He won.

Shiki was full of conviction. I won, he thought. Against Nano. Filled with the sheer happiness of victory, Shiki let out a loud cry.

“Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!”

Shiki grabbed his sword from the ground. He stood up, wavering slightly, in one easy move. Arbitro’s face twitched and the executioners readied their weapons.

“Idiot. How? None have been left behind after taking this in, yet you – you’re the one in a thousand that didn’t.”

Shiki threw himself at Arbitro.

“Tch….die you doddering old fool!”

Shiki blocked Gunji with his sword. There was the cry of metal scraping against metal as Gunji’s claws hit the sword. Gunji jumped back. Kiriwar raised his metal pipe up at the ready. Shiki watched him out of the corner of his eye and smiled arrogantly.

“If you’ve decide to challenge me, whether you be a god or a demon, I will show you what it’s like to surrender. There’s no such thing as impossible.”

Arbitro backed off. A small, nearly incoherent shriek slipped out of his mouth.

“No… it can’t be… an actual rival!”

Shiki took a single step. He looked Shiki in the eye with earnest and spoke.

“…Die.”

Kiriwar brought his pipe down against Shiki. Shiki took the brunt of the hit with his sword and attacked back with all of his might.

“Grrrrahhh!!”

Gunji let out a high pitched scream and went after Shiki’s feet with his claws. He took a low stance, aiming a kick at Shiki’s legs, sliding low to the ground towards him. Shiki jumped backwards. The claws scratched in vain at the empty air.

“Rrrrrr, scream!”

Kiriwar moved fast, running over to slash at him over and over again. There was the high pitched scream of metal against metal as well as low groans as the pair clashed.

“If you don’t scream for me, I won’t get hard!”

As soon as Kiriwar’s attack had begun, Gunji took advantage of the speed and began reciprocating attacks with his claws. The attacks barely agitated Shiki who hadn’t even lost his breath and he jumped back again. The three of them were stuck in a stalemate. The executioners were breathing hard, no leeway for them to move. Shiki grinned.

“….Losers.”

How is it, being intoxicated? It’s so much fun to attack, so much fun, it can’t be helped. It’s the blood. More, show me more of the blood. More of the blood-!

Shiki went in for a suicide attack at Gunji.  In an instant, Gunji tried to avoid him but Shiki drew close to his chest. There was terror in his eyes, peeking out from behind the hair falling over his face.

“….You bastard!”

Shiki’s body danced as he matched Gunji’s speed, his long blade managing to slice him on the side.

“Grrr…”

He crossed his metal claws to protect himself but the blow caused his body to tremble.

It was an overwhelming power.

“I can’t….can’t handle it….!”

Without a moment’s delay, Kiriwar brought the metal pipe down against Shiki’s side. Without even looking, Shiki brought his sword around to ambush him. Shiki was higher up and jumped over the attack.

Just one more attack, one more flourish.

THUD. There was a dull sound and then two large figures fell to the ground. A large splash of water rose up into the air.

Arbitro was the only one left standing. A merciless smile lit up Shiki’s eyes.

“H-help!  Help me!”

Arbitro attempted to escape before falling onto his back, hitting the floor hard. His white suit was filthy with the rainwater and the dirt. His fur long since swept away. A muffled cry spilled out from deep in Arbitro’s throat. With blood dripping off his sword, Shiki stepped closer towards Arbitro. The rain hitting the pair began to come down with even more fury.

“I’ll kill you too, bastard.”

This was the last of the blood. He had to keep going until there was no more, until his sword was soaked with every last drop of blood. Shiki smirked, sneering half his lip at him. Arbitro exclaimed with fear.

“Y-you…you’re no longer human! You’re Premier….you are one with Premier…”

Abritro’s hands slipped in the water as he backed away in vain, all the while screaming.

“…..Something the matter?”

“A-a……. agghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!”

Abitro let out a high pitched scream. His cry never finished, though. One more strike from Shiki. Abritro’s cries were cut off. Blood gushed forward. His neck wavered first and then the rest of his body fell to the ground. It made a dull thud as it hit.

Finally, there was no more noise. The world was completely silent.

* * *

The blood’s stimulation had finally left Shiki. But he loitered in his silent world, all by himself, just for a while. Then, suddenly, he lifted his head.

_Bom, bom, bom, bom._

It was the sound of something breaking through that world’s shell. The faint sound of a heartbeat reached Shiki’s ears. Shiki took a step in the direction of Arbitro’s body, towards the direction of that noise. He strained his ears to check for the sound. And then he realized, it was Nano. It was the faint sounds of his heartbeat, filling up this silent world.

_Bom, bom, bom, bom._

Lured in by the sound he wound up standing by Nano’s side. Kneeling beside him, Shiki laid his ear next to Nano’s chest.

_Bom, bom, bom, bom._

Nano was still alive. His will to live was so powerful, combat soldiers had every right to fear it. It was unclear whether he was conscious or not, all he knew was that his heart continued to beat.

“……Tch!”

Shiki was driven by terrible impulses. Nano was alive, even now. How indecent. If he was going to behave this way, Shiki would bring Nano’s disgraceful acts to light. He would put him to shame. Controlling his anger aside, Shiki began to peel away Nano’s blood soaked clothes.

They were coiled around each other as if they were one. Shiki placed his ear over Nano’s heart one more time.

_Bom, bom, bom, bom._

He was still alive. Shiki tossed a look full of contempt at Nano, when his eyes opened wide with surprise. Beautiful limbs, a beautiful yet lifeless face. Nano was laying on his side with no more pain in his body, blood mixing in with the rain water and falling in a stream down his neck. His body was turning a pale blue. His blood drained face smiled kindly. His lips opened. He carried himself with pride, as though he had never been violated before. Shiki’s anger began to wither away.

“Tch…”

Shiki sucked his tongue. Suddenly it looked as if Nano’s mouth moved. He couldn’t hear him though. Shiki grew suspicious. A small murmur joined the constant heartbeat in this quiet world.

“What? What is it you’re trying to say?”

_Let’s become one, Shiki._

Nano replied, his mouth brimming with a smile. Shiki was taken aback. Did he just hallucinate that? Without thinking, he questioned Nano.

“One?”

_That’s right, Shiki. We’re brothers whose blood has been separated._

“Blood…?”

_Brothers, Shiki. Help me warm up this cold and lonely life._

“Lonely?”

_My child….let’s become one._

What?

The dead beckoned to Shiki.  _Stop. You’re all dead. Stop calling out to me! Stop - !_ Shiki grabbed and grappled with Nano’s body. His dignified and beautiful corpse. Shiki was attacked by indescribable urges. …It was no good. He couldn’t bear it.

Understanding the inevitable, Shiki straddled Nano’s body and wrapped his hands around Nano’s throat. The longer he squeezed Nano’s throat, the more sound began to return. The sound of the rain hitting the earth. He could no longer hear the heartbeats. He took a single breath. His hands shook. No, it wasn’t just his hands. It was his entire body that was shaking.

There was a snap and underneath Shiki’s palms, Nano’s bones broke to pieces. Shiki buried his fingers into the back of Nano’s neck. He finally took his hands away and placed them on either side of his head, bringing Nano’s mouth up to his ear. He heard nothing.

“H-ha….h…h-ha…you’re dead, finally. Dead.”

Shiki was relieved. Suddenly he laughed. His laughter grew louder and louder until he was bellowing. Straddled over his waist, Shiki held Nano’s body close to his chest as he continued to laugh.

Rain was falling. It fell from thick gray clouds that covered this rusted world. Shiki and Nano’s temperatures were rapidly beginning to fall because of it. Shiki was gripped by a sudden sense of discomfort, blood covering him in a gory mess.

Nano looked just like a character from a fairy tale, his head looking up from the ground searching for a kiss that would bring him back to life. His eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly open. He wasn’t asleep of course. He wasn’t even alive. His life was gone; his eyes would never open again.

There was no way he could come back. Shiki muttered that truth, trembling as he did. He placed his face on Nano’s chest. He couldn’t hear a heartbeat.

Suddenly, with no reason or basis, Shiki felt a pang of regret and unease from deep within his chest.

What had he done? He thought more about what happened. Why had he done something so terrible and irreversible?  _Because you dreamed of killing him._  Shiki remembered Abritro’s words from earlier.  _You’re one with Premier now._  One? One with Premier? Shiki had passed beyond Nano. He was supposed to be something entirely different from Nano. But what actually happened? Shiki absorbed Nano until he was no more, absorbed until he was gone and Shiki was the only one left on this earth.

The sound of the rain was the only thing that reached his ears. There was no other sound. The world refused to call back to Shiki. He felt surprisingly lonely. He felt the dread of being the only one in this world, the only one existing in the heart of it. And without intending to, Shiki had filled Nano’s lonely life up. At the very end, Nano had sought a brother and he died at the height of true happiness having found one. He left Shiki behind all alone. That must have been what happened. That’s what Shiki thought. Then, all of a sudden as though divine revelation had reached him, Shiki understood.

Nano had been Shiki’s entire world.

The revelation hit him so fast he was left in a state of chaos. It was true, though. From the first time he saw Nano and his purple colored eyes, Shiki had been enchanted with him and he had thought of Nano ever since. Not a day went by that Shiki didn’t think about Nano. This whole time he simply wanted to overcome the terror that he had always attributed to Nano. That was all he really wanted.

He prayed for it. He finally pinned down the source of that fear and conquered it. He was stunned upon realizing this, finally forced to look at a desire he had hidden away. He wanted to take Nano’s hand though he knew it wasn’t possible. If they were truly brothers than it must have meant they were coexisting together now. Nano was all Shiki knew now. He was almost like a child yearning for its mother. Nano was all Shiki saw. It wasn’t the same love, though, that a child would have for a parent. Shiki’s mind was blanketed by Nano and Nano alone. It was an obsession that was hard to describe. It wasn’t love yet Shiki could find no other word to describe it.

However, this opportunity was lost to him now, for an eternity. Shiki himself was responsible for losing that chance. He was an infant being thrown out of paradise. Solitude was all that was left.

As a slave, though, Shiki was content. He had been taken prisoner by Nano’s existence; all he would have to do was follow. Everything was there within Nano’s guiding hand. The idea of that alone felt like something close to euphoria. Shiki was an infant floating in the amniotic fluids of a warm womb.

Paradise was now lost for all eternity.

That moment he wrapped his hands around Nano’s neck. Shiki finally understood the true nature of the impulses that had attacked him and it shocked him. Those contradictory impulses welled up from within him; his desire to die was so strong it cut into him painfully. Just like the time they met, when he was charmed by those purple irises, Nano had held within him the violent urge to be strangled to death.

This presence of a new desire shocked Shiki even as he was close to exhaustion. But he understood. Nano believed at that time that he deserved to die. Nano died lost in the surprise, the fear, and the majesty of meeting another who was stronger than him. Shiki let that hours right up until his death get away from him. It could even be said that all those in his life up until now had been pointless expenditures, all just for the sake of Nano. He must have mistaken the moment of his death. If Nano had truly died, Shiki would have felt the torment of being left alone then. Nano died leaving Shiki all by himself.

Such a masochist, Nano got his wish to be strangled to death and left Shiki all alone in isolation. How could he not have noticed such a simple thing? Shiki was the one to finally strangle Nano to death. Nano had yearned to be strangled to death. If only it had been over sooner. If only it had ended.

Shiki realized he had his hands around Nano’s throat once again. He gripped tighter and tighter. The bones were broken into pieces and his skin was all cut up underneath such a powerful grip. He was trying to kill himself. Shiki was being carried away by the feeling of intoxication as he squeezed their necks. Let’s become one, Nano had said. Yes, becoming one would be good. Slowly dissolve until they were all mixed up in one another and they were one. Suddenly the boundaries between Nano and Shiki became blurred. Shiki’s consciousness was muddy.

A bird fighting it’s way free from the egg. The egg was the world. In order to be born, first you must destroy the world you are in – who was it told him that? Except that his chance to escape from the egg that was Nano was gone to him now. He hanged by his own umbilical cord within Nano’s amniotic fluids. Who in the hell was to blame for this?

* * *

How much time had passed? The rain hitting his shoulder brought Akira back to consciousness. Akira’s jacket and jeans were sopping wet with mud and rain. He knew his body temperature had dropped over a short amount of time and he began to convulse. It was cold. So, so cold.

“Shiki….”

Akira called out Shiki’s name. His hazy eyes looked from left to right. Something was there. Akira stared carefully at it and received a shock. It was a person’s head, Arbitro’s head. Those reproachful eyes stared endlessly back at Akira.

“…Ugh!”

Akira’s stomach twinged and suddenly he began to vomit. Nothing came up. Even still he gagged. He tried again to vomit. He heaved and heaved and heaved, until finally lifting his head up. Where was Shiki? Akira’s eyes searched for Shiki. Was no one else alive but him? Akira felt uneasy. Despite his head dizzy with the chaos, Akira found him. He wasn’t quite close and not quite far away either but there Shiki was. Crouched over Nano’s body.

“Shiki!  You…!”

Shiki lifted his head. His mouth was bright red, covered with fresh blood. Blood trickled down from Nano’s limbs past his knees, turning into red rivulets of water.

“Shiki! What are you doing??”

Akira looked at Shiki in shock. He was feeding. Off of something bloody and red, large enough to be a fist. Nano’s body was underneath Shiki’s with a large gaping hole in his chest. Akira couldn’t believe his eyes and looked a second and a third time. But it was the same thing.

Shiki was devouring Nano’s heart.

“Shiki…”

Akira watched Shiki speechless. Shiki’s eyes were wide open with surprise. He had forgotten his existence for a moment. Finally, that life he wanted to grant Nano. He found it, that brotherhood. That existence that would soon become his own.

He was no longer alone.

“…..Akira.”

Shiki grinned as though he were a cheerful infant.

“Es werde Licht!”*   “Let there be light!”*

Suddenly the rain stopped and light burst forth from in between the clouds. Announcing the moment Nano had hoped for, the moment Shiki was born as the ruler of an empire full of despair.

Akira had seen the true face of madness of this world.

* * *

**Akira’s POV**

“Nngh…Ah…ngh….”

A high pitched voice leaked out of Shiki’s bedroom. The guards protecting the room outside blushed as they imagined the coquettish activities going on inside. Truthfully, it was Akira who was inside Shiki’s room, completely disheveled without a stitch of clothing on. Shiki’s leather pants were pulled down an intertwined with his white legs, Akira imploring.

“Shiki…more…please…”

“More? What more do you want?”

“Ahh!  I want…I want it all….haaa….”

“You’re greedy aren’t you?”

“H-haaaaa….”

Akira untwined Shiki’s legs, lifted them up high, and pierced straight through into him. It didn’t feel pleasant for Shiki, but Akira, who had slept with dozens of men, knew that. Surprisingly, he had no composure. But his penetration technique, now that was exceptional. Up till now, Shiki had teased Akira’s body, exposed him, made him cry, but he hadn’t penetrated him. That was why Akira was so unsatisfied. With a man like Shiki, he could be completely satisfied. Akira couldn’t help but lament such a waste.

Yet again today, Akira’s lover was cut down splayed out on his bed. Shiki was quite violent after that day he saw blood. Up until now, his eyes had been covered, he was punished by Shiki’s hands, made to scream. Sex where he couldn’t see was terrifying. He wasn’t sure what Shiki was going to do next. Though, sometimes, he didn’t mind those devious plans. Akira cried, begged, and finally was released from punishment. Shiki finally entered him. Akira loved the look on Shiki’s face the moment he slipped inside.

Shiki smiled, looking down, no space left empty in him, and he looked lovely. If only this moment could last forever, Akira thought.

“Haa….. Shiki…. I’m… I’m gonna…”

“…..I’m going to cum…”

Shiki ejaculated. He collapsed onto the bed and let out a deep sigh.

“Did it feel good?”

“Mmm….”

Shiki stayed the way he was and closed his eyes. The smell of blood and cum permeated the room, but Shiki didn’t care. The truth was the only place Shiki was able to sleep soundly was in Akira’s arms. Akira was the only one who took all of Shiki inside them. Everything else was garbage. Waste with no value. That day, the day Nano died, since he found Akira there, Akira was the only thing Shiki took into consideration. Everything he did was for Akira’s sake. Shiki only ever slept when Akira was next to him. And so Shiki fell into a deep sleep.

Akira smiled as he watched Shiki fall fast asleep. What a child. It was terrible but Akira was still wide awake. Shiki would never belong to anyone else. From today, Akira was going to embark on his plan.

Akira quietly removed the rosary Shiki was wearing. The rosary was the key. It was why no one else could break in. Once, though, Akira had followed Shiki’s tracks and caught him in that room, suddenly kissing something. What it was Akira wasn’t sure. Of course, Shiki had quite a few extraordinary fixations, that much was certain. This was his chance to check for it, to find whatever in there matched and take it. He had no idea what it could be but it had to be something very precious, something he could use as a bargaining chip for his freedom.

Akira gripped the rosary tightly, hid it carefully in the breast pocket of his shirt and left the room. Shiki was still asleep. The guard saw Akira teetering out of the room and greeted him.

“Akira, Sir, where are you headed?

“That’s my business, isn’t it?”

“Yes but…I’ll have to inform Mr. Shiki.”

“Shiki’s asleep. Let him be.”

“Uhh..yes…”

Naïve. Shiki, and these guards as well. They were all terrified. All of them threatened by Nicole. But Akira, who carried Null-Nicole, had no fear. Now where was it again… That’s right, the cathedral. With his trajectory decided, Akira began to walk with shaky and uncertain steps. Spots of Shiki’s white semen looked like polished marble drops on the floor. But that didn’t matter.

Akira came up onto the cathedral. Two guards were standing at attention protecting the cathedral doors.

“Open up.”

“Hnn. We can’t open this door without a direct order from Mr. Shiki.”

“Even if I’m the one ordering you?”

“Well, if it’s you, Mr. Akira…but we need confirmation from Mr. Shiki.”

“Shiki’s asleep. And I have business in there. Open the doors.”

“….Yes, sir.”

The cathedral doors opened up with a large groan. Akira entered and the doors closed behind him. The cathedral was inside the palace. Akira had no idea why Shiki had built something like this.

However he knew that Shiki had the Ark of the Covenant, a priceless object, in here. It had great value to Shiki. Whatever he kissed with such reverence must be in there.

Underneath the circular dome of the wide church, Akira finally reached the altar in the middle. On it was a crucifix with a man’s figure atop it and underneath the crucifix was the Ark of the Covenant. Akira took out the rosary sitting in his breast pocket and pressed it into the cross shaped depression etched into the Ark.

 _Click click._  It unlocked. Akira opened the lid and took a peek inside. Something dried up was in there. Suspicious, Akira reached in and grabbed it. He jumped.

It was a man’s head, mummified.

“A mummy!”

Without thinking, Akira dropped the head. The mummified head hit the floor with a thud. Sunken eyes stared back at Akira.  Trembling from the uncanny look it was giving him, Akira looked at the mummy. Who in the hell was this mummy? And why was he storing it in here? The mummy barely had a few tufts of golden hair left. Akira could have sworn it looked familiar.

In the end he wasn’t sure. He placed the head back into the Ark, locked it back up, and left the cathedral. Yet he couldn’t shake off his uneasiness. Why did Shiki treasure that thing so much? Just who was that mummy? If Shiki was kissing it, than whomever it belonged to must have been an important person to him. Besides himself, Akira couldn’t think of anyone else that was precious to Shiki.  

Shiki was awake by the time Akira returned to the bedroom. Akira mumbled his name. There was a stern expression on Shiki’s face. Akira was perplexed.

“Akira…”

“You’re awake….I…I saw it.”

Akira kept his eyes clamped shut. He couldn’t lie. Shiki saw through everything. Resigned, Akira spoke.

“I saw it. Who was it?”

* * *

The east turned dark. A pair of long shadows stretched out along the floor.

“Stop! Shiki, stop!”

Akira was pulled back by a strong force. He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to see it again. But Shiki wouldn’t give in. The cathedral’s confessional. Shiki trapped him in the cramped space along with the mummy head. Dull silver chains glinted around Akira’s neck. The chains were staked into the wood, trapping him in the room. Akira struggled violently.

“Stop, Shiki! I’ll do anything! Stop!””

“Anything? Spending one night in here isn’t so bad then, right?”

“Are you upset, Shiki? I didn’t mean to make you mad…”

“You know my dark side, eh….Well I’ll just make sure you are well acquainted with it.”

Shiki closed the door to the confessional as he spoke. Complete darkness filled the room. Still bound by the chains, Akira clumsily sat down on the floor. He began to zone out, letting go of his awareness. He might be able to forget his fear if he was able to fall asleep. He was sure he wouldn’t be able to keep his sanity being stuck in here for a night with this mummy. He stayed crouched on the floor, away from the head enshrined on the shelf. They were having sex when the chains were put on Akira and at the time he didn’t mind. He figured the purpose was to show him that he belonged to Shiki, that he was Shiki’s.

He had no way of knowing Shiki was doing it all to trap him inside here for a night with the mummy. Perhaps Shiki no longer found him attractive anymore. The mere thought brought tears to his eyes. With his face a mess, Akira fell asleep nestled in the corner of the confessional.

It was the middle of the night when someone called out Akira’s name, causing his eyes to open. Moonlight streamed in through the small window of the confessional, lighting the room up. Akira noticed long pale fingers playing with his hair, a kind face peeking in and gazing at him.

“You….who are you?”

Akira asked his thoughts still hazy. He saw this face somewhere before. But he couldn’t remember who it belonged to.

“A person called Nano.”

Faint light pooled in the center of the room and N stopped in the middle of it, a bright shining figure. Then he bent over towards Akira and stroked his cheek with care. Those gentle fingers calmed Akira and he finally felt relaxed.

“Nano….you, you’re alive?”

Nano had a broad smile as he looked at Akira but he shook his head sadly.

“I’m dead. Shiki killed me. Right now I’m just here as a ghost.”

“A ghost?”

“Mmm.”

Then, Nano laughed.

“So, Akira, you chose that poor thing after all.”

“Poor thing?”

“Shiki.”

“Ah…”

Akira wasn’t sure how to reply to that. True, it was Akira that chose Shiki. The truth was that there were no other options. No one else knew that.

“Do you like Shiki?”

Nano asked while smiling. Akira didn’t have an answer. Did he like Shiki? Could he call what they had, love? It felt more like a bad relationship he couldn’t get away from.

“I don’t know.”

“Does Shiki treat you well? Or does he hurt you?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re full of I-don’t-knows, aren’t you?”

Nano had a troubled smile. Akira felt at ease when Nano first appeared in human form, but now he was quickly becoming irritated.

“What’s wrong with you? I sympathize with you but you’re the one who drove Shiki to madness, who brought the world to ruin, isn’t that enough? I don’t know why you would ruin a good person on top of that!”

“Ruin a good person.”

N repeated what Akira said.

“That’s what you did, isn’t it? Shiki was…well, he was always a little strange, but nothing like he is now! You’re the reason he is the way he is! It’s you!”

“Yes, that might be so.”

“So stop looking so calm about it! Bring back the old Shiki and free me!”

“Shall I put you at ease?”

“Yes! I hate this life! I’m not insane yet!”

Akira shouted, not making much sense. The sex every day that he couldn’t get enough of, the prostrating soldiers, civilians cowering in fear, he wouldn’t do it anymore not for the whole world.

Akira prayed to go back to Toshima. He wanted to go back to when he kept his distance from Shiki, back to that time in his life. **  
**

“You can’t go back. But….”

“But?”

“I can take your spirit. If you wish. You’re the only one who can handle Shiki as he is now. For you, I’ll do it.”

Hearing those words, Akira took in a deep breath. He wasn’t sure if this was something he truly wanted or not, or even if he should want it. At the height of his hesitation, Akira spoke.

“Alright. Take me. Destroy me. Do it so I won’t know its happening. So I won’t wake up again.”

* * *

The cold chains on his skin felt good. Soon the silver would be warmed by the heat from his skin but that wouldn’t feel so bad either. When Shiki finally came to visit Akira in the confessional, Akira’s eyes opened and he was cradling the mummy head in his arms with a bewitching smile. The chains rattled loudly.

“Am I broken?”

Satisfied, Shiki let out a sigh.

“Hm?”

Akira smiled joyfully.

“Shiki. I finally made it, Shiki.”

He said, laughing happily. Shiki kissed him on the forehead and removed the chains. He took the mummy head from Akira and spoke.

“I don’t need this anymore.”

 _That’s right,_  Akira thought, grinning.  _He’ll be alright, I’m here after all,_ he thought.Shiki carelessly tossed the mummy head onto the floor. Eventually it would turn moldy until it broke into tiny little pieces. It turned out he hadn’t been exposed to Nano’s spell, he thought. Shiki and Akira rejoiced as the pair had become the king and queen of the new century.

The door to the confessional closed. There looked to be a faint smile etched on the mummy head rolling on the floor but there was no one around to notice.

Nano’s spell was complete. And in the future, no one would be able to change it.

**Author's Note:**

> Note: In Japanese mythology, a character does not need to die in order for their spirit to leave their body. The implication in the end is that Nano took Akira's spirit, as requested, leaving him _alive, but nothing more than an empty shell... and Shiki was none the wiser that he had been fooled._
> 
> Translation of Equinox's Author's Notes:
> 
> Hello there. I’m grateful to you for making it this far. I’m sure reading this brought up all sorts of thoughts lurking inside you… hopefully you laughed some of it off and forgave me. I mean to say, I’m sorry. It was a lot of fun to write for me but I know there was a lot in here that was pretty niche and specific to my own tastes (like strangling!), so I was a little worried. I appreciate being allowed to indulge myself.
> 
> First off I feel like I am at the Top of the World (!!) for taking on this book. I’m so grateful to write this short story featuring the fantastic pairing, Shiki X Nano. I just love having the ever heroic and attentive Shiki committing betrayal in the final hour! Shiki is such a lonely warrior! As for Nano – if it isn’t Akira, than he really can’t be tamed, can he? Shiki picked such a difficult one to love, didn’t he? And then there was the moment with Nano in the bathtub! So cute! Getting his nails cut. Getting clothed. My version of Nano, by the way, is him wandering around Toshima after the great battle with his kamikaze jacket and panda bag, so cute! Nano!! I’m so grateful, really! And then there’s Kashiwagi Minato (Kuraha Works) who drew the cover art. I was supposed to use the art for the promotional poster but Nano was so cute and I got so giddy, I went ahead and used it for the cover. The cover design was my own so it might not be very refined but I hope you all are just as giddy over Nano! I just love Nano like this. What a crush! Thank you, Kashiwagi, for another fantastic illustration!
> 
> As for you, the reader! I send all my love to you! If you’re reading this book, I have a feeling you might be a repeat customer, so I thank you for once again reading my work! I’m only able to put out books in such a short time, even niche books like this one, because of you all dear readers! Thank you all so much! I love you all! Love! My next book goes along with Togainu no Utage’s pairing of Shiki and Akira. Lately I haven’t been writing a lot of ShikiAki , so this time I’ll be writing about Shiki and Akira’s bittersweet love. It will be major! I hope you all will be looking forward to it! See you next time!
> 
> 2005.08.19
> 
> Saike Ayako  
> 蔡家彩鼓/Equinox


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